Grist to the Mill

14 September, 2004


Thanks to the New Statesman for this. No explanation required - these are my favourites:

I am a consultant
You are freelance
He is out of work

I maintain a nuclear deterrent
You have joined the arms race
He has weapons of mass destruction

My handwriting is characterful
Yours is illegible
She is a doctor

I am a believer
You are a fundamentalist
He is an extremist

I have had to make my own way in life
You have an interesting regional accent
He was brought up in the gutter

I am fascinated by stamp collecting
You have a hobby
She should get a life

I am well informed
You are a pedant
She is a bore

I am high-spirited
You are rowdy
He is a Millwall supporter

I am good with colours
You are gay
He makes Graham Norton look like John Wayne

I love Vivaldi
You are surprisingly patient
She is waiting pointlessly for an operator to answer

And a few of my own...

I look 'natural'
You're ageing gracefully
She's past her sell-by date.

I'm thoughtful
You're sensitive
She's paranoid

I have a dark sense of humour
You're twisted
She's sick

any more anyone?

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