JUNKIE
It started innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - ‘to relax’ - I told myself, but soon enough I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I know that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking ‘What is it exactly we are doing here?’
Things weren’t going so great at home, either. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. Soon, I had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, “I like you, and it hurts me to say it, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, we’ll have to let you go”.
I came home early that day. “Darling”, I confessed, “I’ve been thinking”. “I know you’ve been thinking” she said “and I want a divorce. “You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!”. “That’s a faulty syllogism” I said impatiently. She began to cry.
“I’ve had enough. I’m heading for the library” I snarled and stomped out of the door.
I headed for the library in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the car park and ran to the big glass doors… they didn’t open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe a higher power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked. It came from the Thinker’s Anonymous poster, which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s”. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
It started innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - ‘to relax’ - I told myself, but soon enough I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I know that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking ‘What is it exactly we are doing here?’
Things weren’t going so great at home, either. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. Soon, I had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, “I like you, and it hurts me to say it, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, we’ll have to let you go”.
I came home early that day. “Darling”, I confessed, “I’ve been thinking”. “I know you’ve been thinking” she said “and I want a divorce. “You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!”. “That’s a faulty syllogism” I said impatiently. She began to cry.
“I’ve had enough. I’m heading for the library” I snarled and stomped out of the door.
I headed for the library in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the car park and ran to the big glass doors… they didn’t open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe a higher power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked. It came from the Thinker’s Anonymous poster, which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s”. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
